October 5th, 2006

travels

Из письма знакомой:

i'm not very good, but as you might see its usuall for me.
i feel nothing. My life has no more meaning. I can't see my future..
tomorrow i'll go to court in the country: city calls Podolsk near Moscow. They will judge my ex-friend which exposed me and my colleagues. I feel angry about that.
We're all witnesses but here in Russia today you're witness and next moment you're already in handcuffs.
And i'm tired to live here. I feel that i don't belong here. Most people are angry, dissatisfied, agressive. I can't drive my car calmly - others are very uncivilized and stupid and drive very dangerous. And i'm not laughing any more properly - you know real laugh, to be real glad of something.. i dont feel it any more ..
i dont want money, dont want family, dont want kids, i dont want to go anywhere .. do you think its normal? :-))
and its killing me every minute ... i want to watch the movie .. want to live some other life ... in different place .. different culture ... i dont know .. i want to live not to be just a vegetable ...
like robot ... and i have to be .. i want to throw my life away.. and to start with a clean paper (this is idiom).
that how wassup is :-))